British | Indian
My Dad is White British, and my Mum is Indian, but grew up in Malaysia. I guess I don’t feel I quite fit in White or Brown spaces although I think I am able to float in and out of both. I am more familiar with navigating White spaces, although I am aware of being ‘other’ even when White people say they ‘forget’ that I’m Brown. I can sometimes find it harder in all-Brown spaces as I don’t feel connected to Indian/Malaysian-Indian culture enough to be fully accepted in these circles. I'm not sure if I identify as a ‘Desi girl’. I feel I fit in best in really diverse spaces, but I’m finding as I am getting older, I care less and less about ‘fitting in’ anyway. My little sister used to think the term ‘mixed-race’ was ‘mixed raised’, as in you are being ‘raised’ by mixed parentage. There’s also the analogy with mixing different colour flour when cooking (my sister used to love to bake as a child). I used to boast that being mixed-race was the best of both, like the bread, but I think I privately worried that I was the worst of both. My Mum grew up speaking Tamil, Malay and English, but as my Dad is English and I was brought up in the UK, she didn’t see the point in teaching me. I get it, but it would have been cool to have grown up multi-lingual. I think it might have helped feeling more connected culturally. When people quiz me, trying to get at my ethnic identity, I say I’m half Indian-Malay, half White-British. White people often assume I’m ‘fully’ Indian, which I find a little odd because it’s not a complete representation of who I am. I love that there are so many interracial families within my extended family and learning about my family history in recent years has been a really enriching, affirming experience. Being mixed-race is increasingly common and I love it. I love seeing different mixes, it’s why I love this account. I love being mixed-race and I’m enjoying embracing it more as I get older. I am close with my family and over the past few years it’s felt really important to learn more about my family history. It feels cliché, but it has really helped me find who I am and grow into myself.
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